I have the misfortune to have been born in December. Not just in December but right in the middle of the festive period. I’m always being told ‘How wonderful, How festive, so many presents…and Oh! All those parties!’
It’s time to put the record straight.
1) Nobody really actually cares about your birthday
There’s only one Birthday that matters in December and that belongs to the dude born in a stable. Otherwise forget it. Nobody remembers, in fact nobody really much cares. Christmas festivities are far too much fun. Birthdays are for the rest of the year.
2) A birthday party is out of the question
After years of failed attempts to get friends together for birthday drinks I’ve finally given up. Friends are either away or far too busy to coordinate a birthday bash.
Your only hope is launch a hostile takeover of an organised Christmas bash…..
….. Which I may have done once! 😁
3) Joint Presents
The. Worst. Thing. Ever! Would this happen with a Birthday in July?
Of course it wouldn’t. Just stop being tight!
4) Christmas wrapping paper
Fortune smiles on you.
Somebody remembers. amazingly the present isn’t even joint – only it’s wrapped in bloody Christmas paper.
Eurgh! It’s not even ironic.
5) You unwittingly become a bit Scrooge.
It’s not intentional, sure I love Christmas, only I have to get my Birthday out of the way first. Before then I’m totally channeling the Grinch.
Then Boom! IT’S CHRISTMAS!!!
(If you didn’t read that in the style of Noddy Holder give yourself a slap, go back and try again!)
6) Birthday Apathy sets in.
I’m genuinely surprised when friends make such a big deal about their birthday. A weekend away? A holiday? celebrating your Birthday for weeks on end? What is this witchcraft?
7) People are really broke from Christmas overspend
Back to the joint present and no party misery.
8) When Christmas is over it’s a 360 day wait for your next celebration
No more presents for a whole year. Your Birthmas list has to be really creative to keep you going all year.
9) Restaurant bookings are tricky
You are incredibly lucky If the place you want to book isn’t full with Christmas parties. You then finally get a reservation so you can go and eat Christmas dinner. Again.
*Bangs head on the table in frustration*
10) Christmas decorations
Give me balloons and bunting, not tinsel and tack which we all know are for someone else’s birthday anyway.
Stop upstaging me Jesus!
[picture credits someecards]